I'm cold, but I'm in control.
Mental toughness for young athletes
She trains it, on purpose. In my book I call it getting into your discomfort zone. Me, I take cold showers. Every shower. Do I enjoy the cold water? No. But I do enjoy knowing that every time, I'm training my brain to handle the uncomfortable places I'm definitely going to end up in. Real life has a lot of cold water in it. For her, it starts with one thing that scares her, on her Daily Task List, every day.
Okay, so. An example from my own life. To get out of my comfort zone, I traded the comfort of a hot shower for the discomfort of a cold one. (Yes. Every shower.) On purpose, I put myself in the uncomfortable spot of dealing with cold water. Am I cold? Of course. But it's just cold.
Putting myself in that place, the one I call my discomfort zone, gets me ready for real life. A lot of buckets of cold water get dumped on your head, and a lot of the time at fire-hose pressure. So if the day comes when I have to deal with something hard, my body and my brain already know what it means to be there. I'm cold, but I'm in control. I'm ready.
It all comes from the chapter on comfort and failure in my book. On this site the whole approach is called the Next Play Mindset: a simple way to decide what she wants, do the work, and believe she can get there.
1.Get her into her discomfort zone, on purpose
To make real progress at anything, even some small skill, she has to get out of her comfort zone.
Almost everyone is chasing the comfortable spot. Comfortable sitting, comfortable working, comfortable at home, comfortable in the shower. And when you're comfortable, you don't move. You don't progress. Nothing interesting actually happens.
To get out of that place, she has to train herself to do it. To deal with a certain fear, she has to face that fear. Simple, right? It took me a while to get this one. I'm a fast learner, as long as you explain it to me really slowly.
2.One scary thing a day
One more thing I did. I put one thing that scares me on My Daily Task List. Every day.
Sure, not every day works out. But I'm aware of it, and I keep looking for where I can do it. So I'm practicing facing fears daily, until I get to a level where I'm not afraid anymore. Already, my toughness is at a different level than it used to be.
There isn't a person in this world who isn't afraid of something. Spiders, speaking in front of a crowd. Everyone has fears. The goal, if you ask me, is for her to know how to handle them well, so they don't hurt the life she wants to live.
For her: my discomfort zone week
One printable page. One thing that scares her on each day of the week, the sit-up test with her own number, and one "I must, because" line. Letter size.
3."That's all I've got" is rarely all she's got
Is the most she can do all she can do? Surprisingly, no.
Say you ask a girl to drop and do as many sit-ups as she can. Her fitness isn't great, so she does 5. She's sweating, she's tired, and you can see that's probably all she's got. But if she rests a little, she can do 5 more. Rest again, 5 more. Now it's 15. Keep going, she gets to 20. And if she keeps this up every day, can she get to 50? Obviously.
So how do you make miracles? Start with what you can. Do it the best you can. Rest a little.
4.Rest is a need, not a goal
Make the rest a need, not a goal. The goal is miracles, not rest.
And if the amounts are too much, she cuts them down, so she can move forward safely. If she can't do 100 sit-ups a day, she goes to 50. Still can't? She goes to 25, and builds from there.
The goal is that every single day she moves forward. The days and the tasks add up over time, and she gets there in the end.
5.Turn her "should" into a "must"
When your "should" becomes a "must," it gets done.
If I told you to get up tomorrow at 5:00 a.m. for no particular reason, odds are you wouldn't. But if a free new iPhone were waiting outside the Apple Store at 5:00 a.m. for whoever shows up, there's a good chance you'd be there at 4:55.
It's all tied to the why. Say she wants to run a mile in under 7 minutes. Every time she hits a wall, in the workout or with the healthy food, she asks herself first: "Why must I hit this time?" And answers: "I must hit this time because ______." It will simply be easier to handle the hard situations.
Before you talk to her
Ask yourself the question my little brother once asked me. How do I get myself to do the things I want to do, when it's comfortable not to do them? My teacher Jim Rohn said it best: "What's easy to do is also easy not to do."
What she says, and what you can say back
Every answer here is a line from my book.
| When she says | You can say |
|---|---|
| "It's too hard." | "Don't wish it were easier. Wish you were better. (Jim Rohn)" |
| "That's all I've got." | "Rest a little. Then do 5 more." |
| "I'm scared." | "Everyone has fears. The goal is to know how to handle them well." |
| "I'll do it tomorrow." | "When your "should" becomes a "must," it gets done." |
Asleep in the car at 8:30
Phil Jackson, Kobe Bryant's coach with the Lakers, tells it in his introduction to The Mamba Mentality. His staff met at 8:30 in the morning. More often than not, Kobe was already parked in the car next to his spot, taking a nap. He'd been in the gym since around 6, getting his own workout done before anyone else showed up.
Questions parents ask
Should she take cold showers too?
The cold showers are my discomfort zone. Hers is one thing that scares her, on her Daily Task List, every day. Talking to someone new, speaking in front of a crowd. She picks it.
Isn't this too much pressure?
If she can't do 100 sit-ups a day, she goes to 50. Still can't? 25, and she builds from there. The goal is that every day she moves forward.
What if a day doesn't work out?
Not every day works out. What matters is that she's aware of it, and keeps looking for where she can do it.
Is this for boys too?
Yes. Everyone has fears. The book is for all the girls, at every age. And for the boys too.
From Gazelle to Lioness
The discomfort zone comes from my book. Decide what you want. Act in that direction. Believe you'll get there. It's written to her, the way I talk to my own players, and it works like a workbook. There are tasks.
Free: The Next Play Mini Journal
By the end of the week she has closed the last game with a clear head, picked one thing to work on at practice, and written her plan for the next one. Seven pages, one a day, five minutes a day, written by Coach Isaac in the same words he uses with his own players.
- Day 1, The Reset. Tonight, before she goes to sleep. Three slow breaths, one honest sentence about what happened, a name for the feeling, and the one thing this game is teaching her. Then she closes the game. Tomorrow is a different page.
- Day 2, The Tape. The next morning. Coaches watch the tape the next day, never the same night, because the same night you only see the mistakes. The next day you see the whole game, including what she did right.
- Day 3, My Why. When the why is strong, the how gets easier. She writes down why she plays, clearly enough to say it out loud.
- Day 4, One Focus. She knows what to fix and why it matters. Now she turns it into one small thing she can do at practice this week, and repeats it. That's how real improvement works.
- Day 5, Winter. A sports season works like the seasons of the year, and game season is winter. You can't cancel winter. What you can do is get better at it: stronger physically, stronger mentally, stronger with your feelings.
- Day 6, Believe. Belief isn't magic. It's what she says to herself, over and over, until it's what she thinks. On this page she writes her own lines instead of the ones other people put in her head.
- Day 7, Next Play. Her game plan for the next game. Eyes forward. The season only moves in one direction.
It's free. Leave your email, and the download opens right away, in Letter and A4.
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Based on chapters 1, 10, 12 and 13 of From Gazelle to Lioness by Coach Isaac, where the Jim Rohn lines are quoted. Phil Jackson's story about Kobe Bryant is from his introduction to The Mamba Mentality.